Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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