The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
