I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
