I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
