I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
