What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
