i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
