Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
