who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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