I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
