His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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