be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
