They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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