mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize