Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it's like iHOP with fire
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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