My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
