i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
