i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
