Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
