i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
