You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
