And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
