8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
