I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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