is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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