happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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