Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
