you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
