I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
