ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
