Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
