Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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