Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Your penis caused this!
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