More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
3 2 1 whiskey
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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