he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
