I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
