I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
These tits shall not be calmed
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