I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
