he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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