Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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