I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
