Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
