if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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