I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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