I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
