First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
