Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
