please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
