lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
