"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
