You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need water and some morals
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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