Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
